Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter: Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.
Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer: No, I can't.
Waiter: Then does it really matter?
Customer: Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my teacup?
Waiter: I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortuneteller.
Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But why aren't you laughing?
Son: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father: No. Why do you ask that?
Son: Well, where did you get mummy then?
Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
Teacher: Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
"Sure," replied her lover "What's your phone number?"
